All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
