Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
