I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
