If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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