help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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