I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
