Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
