just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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