Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
