I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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