Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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