SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
