Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
