he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
