I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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