If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
