When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
