so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
