Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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