She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
