I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
