My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
