I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think my moral compass just broke
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
