I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
