you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
