Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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