You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
