Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
