I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
