I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
