just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
