take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
