i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
