one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
