her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
