how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
