Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
