Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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