Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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