i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
