hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
