the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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