Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
