your parents love me but you hate me
youre lurking in front of me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
