It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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