How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
