K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
