Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
