I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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