i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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