this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
