I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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